I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
