In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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