Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
