I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
