I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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