Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
