The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
