How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
