well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
