I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
