Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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