If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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