I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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