Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i want to swaddle you in tequila
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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