dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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