I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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