Old men and throwing up are my life now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
