At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
