hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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