I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
