Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
