Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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