u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
