He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
