take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
