So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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