i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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