They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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