Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
