can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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