i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just high enough for therapy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
false alarm, still single
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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