Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
