Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize