Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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