i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
