she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
