if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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