after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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