I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
