Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize