Is it because I queefed?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
