Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize