Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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