you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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