The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
