Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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