phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
