my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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