$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
