Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
