stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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