Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
