After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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