Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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