When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
