Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
