You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Boobs are out for the taking
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
