I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
