I showed him my bush... on skype.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's the barista slut.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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