my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
